Aunty Aidan: On Shyness and Screen Time

A note to the uninitiated: Aunty Aidan is Aidan Montessori School's cheeky advice columnist. Have you got a question for her next column? Please email the grande dame herself - she's always happy to help.

Dear Aunty Aidan,

My child is very, very shy especially on all these Zoom meetings and has a hard time speaking up. What can I do to help her not be so overwhelmed? 

Father of a Clam
 

Dear Clam’s Father,

Shyness is a personality trait that is manifested in various situations at differing degrees by most people at some point in their lives. For your part, begin by recognizing healthy shyness – acting cautious while still making eye contact and being polite. That awkwardness and anxiety might be felt by a child when approached by someone new and especially in this age of unnatural, screen gatherings. Too many (only) faces, too much auditory and visual distraction and stimulation, can often be both overwhelming and intimidating in the best of times. However, this is no cause for embarrassment, and can present as an opportunity to reassure your shy child. It’s important to not label or shame her and to be grateful for the positive attributes of most shy people: they are usually good listeners, well-focused, caring and empathetic people.

Solicit the help of another adult to get on a call - maybe a small screen like a phone - with you right by her side and walk her through it. Who is that? What do you see in the background? Let’s wave. What would you like to say? Observe how your child interacts with someone they know; that will give you clues about what is bothering her. You can always ask her to tell you how she feels. 

For some additional guidance, I recommend The Shy Child by Philip Zimbardo for you and Shy Charles by Rosemary Wells and Buster the Very Shy Dog by Lisze Bechtold for your child. Her teacher is also available to ease her into this system of building relationships.

Don’t clam up  – go ahead and talk about it.

Aunty Aidan