Upper School Blog: Strategies for Talking to Your Child About School

Have you ever asked your child after a day of school “what did you do today?” and get a simple “nothing” in response? The fact is that children do many things throughout the day but some children are more comfortable talking about their experiences at school than others.  

So how can you talk to your child in a way that will lead to a deeper conversation about school, their interests, and what they are learning? A good place to start is by asking the right questions the right way. Because in my experience, if you ask a child a question that can be answered with a one word answer, you will likely receive a one word answer.

One strategy that can be used to spark conversation about your child's day is to ask specific yet open-ended questions. For example you could ask “what is the best thing you did in school today?” Or, “what were the three things you worked on today with a teacher or friend?”

Another strategy is to start with a factual observation. Children can have difficulty answering questions that seemingly come out of the blue. Making an observation gives your child something to relate to. For example “I know you have a new teacher this year, what’s one thing you like that has changed?” Or “I heard you just started a new music class, what is one thing you like about it?”

You can also begin the conversation by sharing about yourself. Communication is a two way street, and if you share an experience you have had your child will be more likely to share back. For example you could try starting a conversation with “When I was in school I loved doing science experiments, have you done any science experiments this year?”

Finally, try to avoid negative questions. If you get a sense that things aren’t going well either academically or socially, try to phrase your question in a way that avoids emotionally charged words like “mean, sad, or angry”. Framing questions with more positive language will likely make your child more comfortable sharing difficult topics. For example, “I heard you sat with new people at lunch today, what did you talk about?”

Remember, not every question will spark a long conversation—the goal is to build up a routine and have more conversations over time. Try to find neutral moments to talk like at the dinner table or car ride home and don’t try to force conversations that may not be there as that can be a frustrating experience for everyone involved. But always keep in mind that if you get a sense that something more serious or urgent is going on, ask more direct and specific questions and push for an answer.

Here's to more constructive conversation between you and your child.

Sincerely,

Sean Collins, Magnolia Lower Elementary Teacher