Lower School Blog: Positive Phrasing

For our youngest children, how we say something is just as important as what we say. Words are a powerful tool for communication, and our body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice create an underlying emotional context. As we work toward mindful, mutually respectful interaction, the most effective communication with them is straightforward and brief. 

Positive Phrasing means that we approach our communication with children by telling them what we DO want - using as few words as possible - rather than focusing on what we don’t want. When we focus on what children can do, we affirm them and build their confidence and invite cooperation instead of defensiveness. While positive phrasing uplifts children, it is not about saying yes to everything. It’s about being concise, neutral, and honest, even when saying no. 

Below are some examples to support positive, respectful, clear communication:

Can implies ability and sends a clear message that there is only one possibility in the situation. 

• You can put on your jacket by yourself.
• You can hold your cup carefully.
• You can use that material when it’s back on the shelf.
• We can go to the playground later this week.  

May is a little stronger because it also implies permission.

• You may leave the classroom to get your lunchbox. 

Let’s statements imply we are doing something together, and of course you want to participate! 

• Let’s clean up your toys.
• Let’s get ready to go.

As soon as helps the child feel confident in what’s to come. 

• As soon as you put your shoes on, we can go to the park.
• As soon as you brush your teeth, we can read a story. 

I see that states what you observe in the moment, when you are unsure how the child will respond to your guidance. 

• I see that you’re upset.
• I see that you don’t like this right now. 

It’s time to lets the speaker off the hook. It’s not about what anyone wants or doesn’t want, it’s just time for something to happen. 

• It’s time to leave.
• It’s time to get ready for bed.
• It’s time to put your work away. 

Are statements are an even stronger way to directly identify what is about to happen. It can also affirm a positive situation.

• We are walking inside the classroom.
• You are helping me. 

Do statements represent any direct command we give a child. If we would like a child to walk, we simply invite her to walk instead of saying, “Don’t run.” We try and use “No” sparingly so that the word retains its power during times when it is absolutely necessary. 

Being mindful of our words is a skill that takes practice, and it might be helpful to revisit this topic often, asking your parenting partner to give you feedback. Your child will let you know if you’re being effective. 

Sincerely,

Cecelia Aker

Lead Primary Teacher, Persimmon Class