Lower School Blog: Care of Self or Self Care?

Lower School Blog: Care of Self or Self Care?

Maria Montessori was trending with her “care of self” curriculum long before the rest of us caught on to the current trendiness of “self-care.”  

Self-care might have you thinking of rituals like doing yoga, meditating, exercising, reading,  going on a walk by yourself, cooking/baking your favorite foods, or even drinking a glass of wine. These are elevated ways in which we’ve learned to cope with and respond to meeting our physical and emotional needs. 

For young children, “self-care” begins with simpler but still important human needs - like using the toilet, washing their hands, dressing, wiping their nose/face, and brushing their teeth. Montessori’s care of self curriculum reflects an overarching Montessori principle which is to respect the dignity of every child.  

To teach care of self activities recognizes and empowers children to meet their basic human needs; they are foundational to child development. They are some of the first activities a child experiences in life in that they are concrete, practical actions which revolve around the body and the self.  

Toddler and Primary children learn to care for themselves and become capable of responding to their natural physical needs through such activities. Practices in self-care support the child’s physical, social, and emotional health while also building confidence, independence, and self-esteem. Think of how you feel after you’ve practiced your own self-care...relaxed, fulfilled, energized, clear-headed, confident, focused, empowered.  

Children are rewarded by these same benefits when they are able to do, participate in, or collaborate with their own self-care.  

Can you picture the accomplished and proud expression your child shares when they get dressed by themselves? Never mind the drawstring tail they have in the back because their pants are on backwards. Or that time you nagged them to drink water all throughout a meal? Only to find that after the meal they are gulping delightedly at a glass of water they made for themselves. 

Again, never mind the lake they left by the sink.  

Remember, the nose wiping performances when they were babies in which you displayed spy-like sneak ups, wrestling worthy pin downs, and acrobatic surprise attacks? Now you find that your child is open to the invitation to wipe their own dripping nose (or collaborate and take turns with you to get the job done). Are you worried that your child is suffering from lock-jaw when it comes time to brush their teeth? But as soon as you give up and hand them the tooth brush, they miraculously open their mouth?   

The pride and interest (or stubbornness) they take in caring for themselves is one more sign of your ever-growing and adapting child. Children are constantly reminding us that we need to change and to adapt with them. As they become more independent and attuned to their physical and emotional needs, we can extend self-care activities to include getting their own snack when they are hungry, making a glass of water when they are thirsty, or excusing themselves to a quiet space when they are tired or overwhelmed by feelings.  

What you can do to encourage your child’s practice in self-care?

Prepare your spaces. 

For children to take care of their own bodies, materials need to be accessible. For example, if the tissues are way up high in the bathroom, the child may be unable to wipe their running nose.

Allow time.

We often do things for children because it’s a lot quicker. It helps to think of this time as an investment. Yes, it takes longer right now, but with lots of support, practice, and patience, your child will be able to do so much on their own, making things a lot easier in the future.  

Observe and share needs.

Children under the age of six are still learning about their bodies. They may not notice the mucus dripping into their mouth, shoes on the wrong feet, or realize their hunger. Use a neutral tone to share your observation and then invite them to help fix it:

“I see your nose is running. You need a tissue. Do you remember where the tissues are?”  

“I see your shoes are on the wrong feet. You can switch them. Do you need my help?”

Let them show you what they need help with.

Do tasks with your child rather than to your child. Collaborate and take turns as needed.  Moments of care afford moments of connection.

Model your own self-care.

The utmost lesson for your child’s self-care begins with you. 

How are you practicing self-care during this extraordinary time? Are you and your partner scheduling and protecting parts of the day for each other to practice self-care? If you’re struggling with this, start small. A walk around the block can grow into a one mile walk over time or five minutes of alone time during the day with your bedroom door shut (and maybe locked!) can grow into thirty minutes of reading a book. Share your self-care plan with your partner so that they can protect your time and vice versa. Also share your self-care methods with your child when they show interest. “I need some movement and fresh air I’m going for a walk.  When I get back, you can join me outside.”   

Simone Davies, an AMI Montessori teacher, parent advocate, and creator of “The Montessori Notebook” illustrates the importance of self-care for parents. She can have the last word!

“We do best when we keep our bodies, our minds, and our souls strong and healthy. To nurture our families, we must also nurture ourselves. We need good food. Some movement (a walk around the block or bike ride). Time outside every day. Maybe long baths in the evening when no one can disturb us. We can always look for new ways to add fun or peace to our day. We can acknowledge the guilt we may feel about putting ourselves first. And let it go. Reframe it instead as being a great example for our children to look after themselves.”  (pg. 179)

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